Thoughts On The Count of Monte Cristo

I just finished The Count of Monte Cristo. Overall, it was undeniably a good book. It’s a classic for a reason. Well written, ambitious, and incredibly intricate. The scope alone is impressive. A long, carefully interwoven story where every action echoes forward in time.

The revenge Edmond Dantès takes on Caderousse, Danglars, Villefort, and Fernand is especially intricate. What’s interesting is that he doesn’t destroy them directly. Dumas could’ve had Dantès go Tarantino on their asses. Instead, he presses on levers they themselves put in motion. Their own flaws of greed, ambition, and power become the instruments of their downfall. From a purely narrative standpoint, that’s clever and satisfying.

That said, there were moments where I felt confused. For example, the shift in the book between the first part and the second—where years pass and Edmond suddenly possesses immense wealth, knowledge, and influence—left me disoriented. At first, it felt like the book was starting over. Which, as I read on, made more sense. But nonetheless, emotionally it felt abrupt.

I was also not entirely clear to what degree Monte Cristo planted the idea in Madame de Villefort’s head to poison all the heirs connected to Noirtier. While he may not have directly planted the idea, he played on her selfishness, and it felt like he crossed the line from revenge to pure evil. And the ending left me disoriented too. It seemed like Dumas was setting up Maximilien Morrel to be reunited with Valentine. But again and again he showed us how dead she was. I found myself wanting to Google it all to make sure I hadn’t missed anything important, because things just weren’t adding up.

Those things aside, it didn’t fully resonate with me for deeper reasons.

I tend to be drawn to stories where there’s meaningful transformation in a character from beginning to end. Some redemptive turn, some internal reckoning. The kinds of stories associated with Campbell’s “Hero’s Journey”, for example. The arc of tragedy of identity, loss of self, symbolic death, and then some kind of resurrection or return, completely changed.

That arc feels deeply human. The death-and-resurrection story.

Edmond Dantès has a version of this. In prison, he essentially dies. He even wants to kill himself. Then he finds hope through his friendship with Abbé Faria. But even there, his transformation isn’t one of healing or renewal. It’s vengeance. Retaliation becomes his modus operandi.

I didn’t feel deeply connected to this vengeance-driven narrative. They have power (again, Tarantino) but often feel incomplete and hollow. Because vengeance breeds vengeance. Anger breeds anger. There’s no real end. No sense of wholeness or redemption.

Monte Cristo talks over and over about playing God. Being the hand of God in bringing justice. For someone seemingly so wise, this is not wisdom, it’s folly. And it’s all taken too far when Villefort’s son becomes collateral damage.

From that perspective, the resolution felt hollow.

His mission of living purely for revenge doesn’t resonate on a personal level, either. It’s not how I want to live. When someone wrongs me, building my entire future as a reaction to their actions feels like letting them continue to control my life. It’s not a life of creative freedom.

I want to let go, rather than seek revenge. To choose what I want to pursue, rather than allowing anger to dictate my life path. That doesn’t mean anger isn’t real or valid. But holding onto it long-term isn’t life-giving.

It feels strange to be critical of such a masterfully woven novel. It’s a feat I will never be able to accomplish. Yet, it didn’t draw me in emotionally or provoke much reflection about my own life. A well-crafted, entertaining story, but not a transformative one.

Getting Unstuck – My 30 Day Challenge to Myself

Have you ever felt completely stuck? Like you have all these ideas, but they stay in some kind of creative purgatory with no way out? You can’t act on them, and you don’t know why. Nothing is flowing. Everything feels stagnant.

When people talk about “writer’s block”, I’ve always assumed it meant they have no new ideas. But I think it’s worse than that. You still have ideas, but you’re doubting every single one.

You’re constantly questioning: “Is it good enough?” Our internal critic shuts us down before the idea has a chance to breath. 

I’ve personally felt like this for the last six months. The ideas are there, but I don’t know what to do with them. Well actually: I know exactly what to do with them. I’m just scared. I don’t even know if I know what I’m scared of. Scared of baring my soul again? Afraid people won’t like my new ideas? 

All this fear drives me insane. It happens to me every time I release an album. I think it’s partly because I’m still too close to the thing I just made, and I compare every new idea to what I’ve already done.

I start asking myself: “Is my best work behind me?” “Should I play it safe and just recreate what I’ve already done?” I talk myself in circles, and end up creating nothing at all. 

The most annoying part is: I know exactly what I need to do to get unstuck. I need to just start.

And so that’s what I’ve decided to do. Challenge myself to write a new piece every day, for thirty days. (Maybe more? We’ll see how it goes.) It doesn’t matter how short it is, or how good. I know it’s the only way to turn off the chatter in my brain, to get into my heart, and back into a creative flow.

Photo by Simon Berger on Unsplash

Mullica River Cottages Show No. 2

On Saturday evening, May 11, I played my first show in over a year. It was an absolutely incredible experience. So many thanks to Gina at Mullica River Cottages for organizing the whole event, and Sean at S. W. Piano Tuning for renting me the beautiful Yamaha upright. It was a joy to play. The weather was perfect, the audience was a delight, and the catbirds seemed to be singing along. It was magical. Just like last time.

The last show I had was in Maine, on Jan 14, 2023. I wish they weren’t so far and few between. Though perhaps I only have myself to blame. There is a part of me that feels like I’m simply waiting for someone else to do the work of organizing them. I did come across a site the other week, though, called Peerspace which looks like it could push me in the right direction. Some of the venues include pianos. I’ve been thinking about doing a trial run in a city nearby. Maybe NYC, Brooklyn or D.C. There just seem to be a lot of logistics to consider. So much planning. Not only the space, but the piano, tuning, lighting, seating, ticketing. And without even seeing the space in person. But I suppose it’s always a risk. Creating is inherently risky. The Maine show was a risk, given how remote it was. It’s always worth it, though. Playing for people, that is. It always makes me so happy. I love connecting with people in that way.

Aside from shows, lately I’ve been thinking about what direction to go in since my last release, Home Is You. The period between releases always feels like a wandering. Fallowness. Like trying to find the direction I’m supposed to head in. Though it always feels like I end up going in the same direction. It just takes time to find the path on the other side. Or perhaps I was just resting.

With each album release I’ve been more comfortable with taking my time to write more music. The process feels different each time. Though similar in one particular way. It always starts with a lot of small ideas. A satisfying, two-line melody. An interesting four bar chord progression. A catchy rhythm.

I’m also very timid to start again after releasing an album. Is it fear of failure? Is it lack of inspiration? Or just the natural rhythm of things? Perhaps all three. Also, I want to challenge myself to grow as a composer with each release. As time goes on I want my pieces to… age, perhaps? Mature? I don’t know.